Talking vs. Communicating with Our Little Ones

From the moment we are born, we begin to learn the art of communication. But do we really communicate, or do we just talk? You might wonder if there’s a difference, and the answer is yes—there is a significant difference. Talking is simply the act of emitting words, while communicating involves a meaningful exchange of ideas, emotions, and thoughts. This nuance is crucial when interacting with our children, as it’s not just about speaking to them but achieving a connection that supports their emotional and cognitive development.

The big question is: how can we communicate effectively with them? Below are some practical tips you can apply in your daily life to communicate, rather than just talk, with your children.

1. Don’t Over-Explain What You Mean: When we talk, we often tend to provide too many details, which can make the message confusing for a child. The best way to communicate with them is by asking simple questions  that guide the conversation toward the desired goal. Instead of repeatedly explaining why it’s important to brush their teeth, try asking, “Why do you think it’s important to brush our teeth?” This type of question not only helps them understand the message but also encourages active interaction. This approach isn’t limited to everyday activities; for instance, if your child asks for a toy you can’t buy, instead of offering lengthy explanations, you could ask questions like, “Do you think we need another toy car when you already have one you love?” or “What could you do with the money you’d save if we don’t buy this toy?” This helps them reflect and better understand the situation. In this way, instead of feeling frustration or rejection, children become involved in the decision-making process, promoting smoother and more respectful communication.

   
   

2. Don’t Give Orders: One of the most common situations is feeling empowered to tell our children what to do: “It’s time to go to bed,” “Brush your teeth,” or “Clean up your toys.” However, giving orders in this manner can generate resistance, especially when it comes to changing an activity they enjoy, like playing, to one they don’t like as much, like cleaning up their toys. Instead of ordering, try communicating with them by guiding: “I know you don’t like cleaning up your toys, but how about we do it together? Where would you like to start?” This shift in approach not only alleviates the tension of the situation but also teaches by example and gives them space to express their feelings

   
   

3. Don’t Overwhelm Them with Talks: Children process simple and direct language  better. If we extend our explanations and add phrases like, “I’ve told you a thousand times,” the child may start to disconnect and feel rejected by our words. Over time, this can become a constant, and during adolescence, we might hear phrases like, “Mom, you’ve already told me that.” Instead of giving long speeches or lecturing, try to communicate clearly and directly, offering options: “How can we do this differently?” or “How would you like to do it?” This type of communication not only encourages an active response from your child but also creates a space where they feel heard and valued. Avoiding overloading children with long monologues helps ensure the message is received more willingly. It also reduces the fatigue generated by lengthy explanations that often fail to achieve the desired effect. Remember that effective communication involves engaging, not imposing. By giving them space to express their ideas or suggestions, we teach them that their voice matters, strengthening the relationship and paving the way for deeper future conversations. Ultimately, by opting for brief yet meaningful dialogue, we not only avoid overwhelming them but also demonstrate that we respect their time and emotions, creating an environment where both can grow together.

   
   

4. Don’t Assume or Guess: This point is key in effective communication with our children: we must allow them to express their feelings and emotions without making assumptions. Many times, as parents, we tend to assume how they feel. For example, when they are babies and cry, we often say, “It seems like you’re hungry,” or if we see them restless, we say, “It seems like you’re bored.” Although these assumptions are instinctive and natural, it’s important to shift that mindset and start asking questions instead of assuming their emotions. And no, it’s not about those typical questions like, “What’s wrong?” or “Are you sad?” The first is not very empathetic, and the second, by suggesting a response, often leads to a simple “yes” or “no,” which doesn’t foster a true connection. Instead, more open-ended questions that do not lead to a pre-set response give them the opportunity to express what they genuinely feel.For example, instead of saying, “It seems like you’re bored,” you could ask, “How do you feel?” or “What do you think we could do to help you feel better?” This way, we not only avoid making assumptions but also provide a safe space for them to express themselves.In the middle of a tantrum or a difficult emotional moment, instead of assuming what’s happening, you could say something like, “How do you feel about this?” or “What made you feel that way?” These small changes in our language can make a significant difference because they invite the child to reflect and verbalize their emotions, which strengthens their emotional intelligence and our relationship with them.By changing the way we communicate, we not only eliminate the barriers of assumption but also teach our children to identify and manage their emotions—a skill that will be valuable throughout their lives.

   
   

Communication with our children is not merely a matter of words but of connection Learning to communicate rather than just talking to them can completely change how our children interpret our words and actions. As a mom and nurse, I have learned that empathetic language, open questions, and loving guidance are essential for fostering healthy and respectful communication. This not only improves our relationship with them in the present but also lays the foundation for a strong and affectionate interaction in the future.If you’d like to learn more about how to manage specific moments with your children, such as when they are frustrated or anxious, don’t miss our next article: How to Help Your Children Effectively Manage Frustration.

Remember that the key lies in communication, not in orders or assumptions. Let’s start practicing a more conscious and empathetic language with our little ones today!

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